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And it wasn't even wearing a GoPro on its helmet when it made the fall. The problem is that the number of people who are going to parachute from space or ski off a cliff like James Bond escaping a metal-toothed henchman just aren't enough to sustain a business.
Most of us need cameras only to record our nephew's 6th birthday party. A kid puking up seven slices of pizza in a bouncy castle is a hazardous situation, sure, but your smartphone's camera is fine for that viral video.
To dig themselves out of this hole, GoPro has leaned on piss-poor innovation and the timeless money-saving tactic of firing a bunch of people.
They've dropped camera models from their product line, and they've fired 7 percent of their workforce , including their CFO. They're placing their bets on a recreational drone , which is pretty optimistic considering that market is totally saturated.
One can assume they toyed with the idea of releasing the useful and intuitive video-editing software they've been promising for years , but whoa now, this is not the time for rash action.
They need to pivot their company in a new direction, and fast. Luckily for them, there's already an industry out there that is more than willing to lock GoPro in its sticky, musky embrace and save it from becoming an irrelevant fad.
Porn has already pounced on modern tech like one of its elite masturbators on a freshly greased Sybian. Recently, Brazzers.
Mayhap, good sir, but mayhap not. Porn has a long and impressively girthed track record for influencing the popularity of emerging technology.
We all know that the Gutenberg Bible was the first thing a printing press ever stamped out, but it was the porn that made the technology popular.
Hell, the Internet itself owes a great many thanks to porn for showing the world that streaming video and online credit card transactions are not only possible but the throbbing heart of our brave and hyper-luxurious future.
Neither Netflix nor iTunes would be here if not for porn. So if GoPro wants to stick around, the obvious choice is strapping their product to a bunch of naked bodies and letting nature take its hot, sweaty course.
And, whether GoPro wants to admit it or not, pornographers are already using their cameras to full effect. According to an article from Fast Company , porn makers love GoPros for a meaty handful of reasons:.
GoPros bring viewers closer to vaginae and penises than ever before. These HD cameras are impossibly small and light, which makes them perfect for close-up shots that make genitals look like parade balloons.
Shooting a penis through a GoPro, you can't help but imagine two dozen people guiding it with ropes through Manhattan with Spider-Man and SpongeBob lingering not far behind.
They're waterproof. They can withstand even the most spectacular, Old Faithful-esque ejaculations. You can go nuts on these babies, literally.
All fluids are fair game. They can be strapped to any part of a porn star's body. This will give the footage a much more "realistic" POV perspective.
The built-in slow-motion options are great for footage of glistening, ropy cum shots in all their slick, shiny glory. Every streak of white gold is beautifully captured by a highly advanced device that would slit its wrists right now if it could.
It feels less intrusive for the actors. Because when a porn star is being filmed with a hand in their ass and a penis lovingly draped over their ear, they still have personal boundaries that need to be respected.
An intrusive camera can really ruin the immersion. If you catch my drift. A truly unique feature for an all-inclusive beachfront resort!
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Share your best content with us: gopro. You know it was a good climb when you are looking down on the clouds. Image via Andrea Niero. Troutman Chapter Home Base.
The whirlwind cross-country tour is complete and the Troutman-Jackson clan are home and ready to hunker down for a quick respite.
Follow Dashboard. What it takes What it Takes is about the preparation, the journey and celebration of the monumental accomplishments our GoPro family sets forth to conquer daily.
We want to surface their unique journey.
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